Friendships in adulthood are a curious, transformative journey that change drastically from the easy camaraderie of youth.
Eureka Springs, with its eclectic charm, small-town energy, and deeply connected community, offers a unique lens to examine this. In our tight-knit Ozark oasis, the rhythm of life mirrors the changes that come with adult friendships and highlights the beauty of learning to navigate them with grace.
Let’s begin with an important universal truth: friendships shift as we age.
We All have come to know this.
When you're young, life revolves around friendship. Your class schedule, sports teams, the neighbor kids and the neighborhood hangouts ensure constant proximity, shared milestones, and synchronized energy.
The synergy in youth is natural, even effortless.
But as you begin to navigate your early, mid and late 20's, a seismic change takes place.
Relationship Distribution
Suddenly, friendships are no longer a group sport but an individual pursuit. When we reach our early 20's, people move to different cities, adopt varying priorities, find partners and follow them, and also begin to follow their own individual timelines, interests and pursuits.
This wild distribution can feel disorienting, but it’s also an opportunity to reframe how we approach friendship.
Research and reflection show that there are three foundational pillars that must align to create meaningful, lasting friendships in adulthood: Proximity, Timing, and Energy. As a writer and resident of Eureka Springs, I would like to take this opportunity to explore these three pillars through the lens from our beautiful corner of Arkansas, and our very close-knit community. Please enjoy!
When you embrace these pillars, the unpredictability of adult friendships becomes less daunting.
Proximity refers to the physical closeness of two individuals, which significantly impacts how often you interact and form connections. Here in Eureka Springs, with just 2500 year-round residents, this is certainly an advantage as, well, "everyone knows everyone."
Studies show that friendships flourish when people share the same physical spaces, whether it's living in the same dorm, working in the same office, or frequenting the same coffee shop, bar/restaurant, community center, lounge, library, etc.
Unlike childhood and university years, where proximity is built into daily routines (classrooms, sports teams, dormitories), adulthood often pulls us apart. Friends move to different cities or even countries and finding new opportunities for proximity becomes harder.
Time and energy constraints often limit our ability to visit friends who live far away.
In Eureka, the size of our town creates natural proximity. It’s easy to bump into familiar faces at Missy's, the Post Office, City Hall, Local Flavor, a live music venue like Chelsea’s, or even the local library.
However, the intimate setting of a small town also means you may encounter the same people repeatedly. To expand your social circle, you must intentionally join new spaces, such as art classes at the Eureka Springs School of the Arts (ESSA) or community events like the Folk Festival.
Seek opportunities to be physically present in places where friendships can blossom, such as joining group hikes, playing music together or attending local events at Gotahold Brewing.
Timing refers to being in sync with someone in terms of life stage and priorities. When you were younger, timing was naturally aligned. I mean, everyone was moving through similar milestones like starting school, celebrating birthdays, or graduating.
Adulthood, however, scatters timelines.
Often, when I look back on my life, I think:
I spent my teens going to birthday parties.
I spent my 20's going to weddings and graduation parties.
I spent my 30's going to divorce parties, more weddings, family reunions, more birthdays and now baby parties and baby birthdays.
I spent my 40's going to work events, more family reunions, work anniversary parties and going away parties, and some funerals.
I have spent my 50's in Eureka Springs, celebrating life. Sure, at 55, there is a funeral to attend now and then, but my biggest focus lately is basically celebrating life!
Life is about multiple timelines
Friends may be at very different points in their lives, some are getting married, others are climbing the corporate ladder, while still others are starting families. Misaligned timelines make it harder to find overlapping priorities or mutual understanding. This challenges adult friendships.
The diversity of life stages in Eureka Springs is both a challenge and a gift. Retirees, artists, young professionals, and families coalesce in our community, offering opportunities to learn from different perspectives. Yet, this diversity also means timing is rarely aligned. For instance, someone focusing on their art might not connect as easily with someone juggling family life. Someone who is retired doesn't really connect well to someone who isn't retired. A new resident, single, might have a hard time connecting with all the married and partnered couples that live here.
Accept and appreciate different timelines. Friendship doesn't require exact alignment; it requires understanding. Focus on shared moments rather than long-term synchronization.
A single afternoon at the Crystal Bridges Museum or a shared meal at Brews can deepen bonds, even when life stages differ. Call a friend. Do a thing together.
Energy refers to the emotional and social effort that sustains friendships. Shared energy fuels deep conversations, mutual support, and joyful experiences. However, energy shifts over time due to changing interests, lifestyles, or values.
Lifestyle changes like becoming a parent, embracing sobriety, or focusing on fitness can create energy gaps that require extra effort.
Differences in political beliefs, personal priorities, or even social habits can erode the connection.
The vibrancy of Eureka's artistic culture naturally generates energy for shared experiences, whether it’s dancing at Basin Park around a drum circle or joining a pottery workshop.
Yet, shifts in personal energy can still occur. For example, one friend may dive into the nightlife scene, while another prefers quiet evenings at home.
Be mindful of your own energy and how it aligns with your friends’. If there’s a mismatch, communicate openly to find middle ground.
Invest in activities that recharge your shared energy. Attend community events, plan day trips, visit The Farm for a concert, or collaborate on creative projects to reignite the spark of friendship.
These three pillars -- Proximity, Timing, and Energy -- are interdependent. When one is missing, friendships may feel strained or fade naturally. Recognizing this truth helps remove guilt and allows us to navigate adult friendships with empathy and intentionality.
Strive To Thrive
Audit Your Pillars: Assess which pillar is missing in a friendship and explore how to address it.
Be Flexible: Allow friends to come and go. When one pillar weakens, it’s often a temporary shift rather than a permanent loss.
Invest Wisely: Prioritize friendships that align with all three pillars and pour energy into those relationships.
In Eureka Springs, where life moves at its own unique pace, friendships evolve just as organically as the seasons. Some connections may last a lifetime, while others bloom briefly but brightly. No matter the duration, every friendship adds color to your life story, and that’s something worth celebrating
Let them come. Let them go. And, above all, be grateful that they mattered to your life journey. We are who we are for many reasons, but mostly because of the people in our life that helped shape our life.❤️
So thankful to call you a friend! ❤️